My family dynamics can get pretty confusing at times. Especially around the holidays, the reason being that I myself have 4 sets of grandparents. My mom’s and my dad’s parents have all gotten divorced and with the exception of my dad’s father all have been remarried for a while. And on top of that my own parents have divorced, my mom having remarried and my dad being a serious relationship for quite a few years now. I also have 2 brothers, T, who is 11 months younger than me and a half brother, M we share a dad, who is almost 10 years younger than I am.
Then there is N ,my husband, who drives me crazy we fight like cats and dogs but I love him anyway. We have our own little family which is the 2 of us and our dog, Riley who is a Boxer Blue Heeler mix, and cat Luna who is a very pretty long haired tabby.
We don’t have any children as of right now and I get a lot of questions about that. And I hate these questions they’re so hurtful and aggravating, especially for someone like me struggling with infertility. This is something that hasn’t always been easy for me to think about let alone even talk about. But I’ve had a few months to come to terms with everything going on.
I have PCOS which is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and it is a set of symptoms due to elevated androgens (male hormones) in women. Signs and symptoms of PCOS include irregular or no menstrual periods, heavy periods, excess body and facial hair, acne, pelvic pain, difficulty getting pregnant, and patches of thick, darker, velvety skin. Associated conditions include type 2 diabetes, obesity, obstructive sleep apnea, heart disease, mood disorders, and endometrial cancer. I don’t have all of the symptoms obviously but I do have irregular/no periods, acne, and obviously difficulty getting pregnant. In addition I’m also-pre diabetic so if that makes it more lovely for me.
A lot of my family doesn’t even know what’s going on right now, well they kind of know but they don’t know the specifics. They don’t know that the reason why we don’t have kids/are pregnant now is not because we don’t want them right now it’s because we can’t.
Whenever I found out last October that I had PCOS it was one of the most devastating thing that you can imagine. At the time I was 21 years old and we have been married two months, I had been off of my birth control almost 3 months. And I hadn’t had period since I came off and I knew it wasn’t pregnant so I went to the doctor and she did some blood work and that is when we discovered that I had the PCOS and that I was pre-diabetic. Then having to tell my husband what was going on and what it meant was also hard for me, because I felt like I was a failure as a wife and a woman. All of my life all I have ever really wanted was to be a mom, I wanted my own family to raise how I thought you should raise them. But unfortunately it’s going take a while for me and my husband to achieve our family goals.
And people who aren’t going through this don’t understand that it’s a process, and there’s so many test there’s so many things that you have to get it done. After I first found out I had to go see a gynecologist, I had been seeing my regular doctor, and that is when we started the process to attempt to have children. Before we could even really get started we had to make sure of what was really wrong with my body as far as the PCOS goes.
I had to get an ultrasound done of my ovaries which wasn’t that bad. But then I had to get a hysterosalpingogram which is a test to see if you’re fallopian tubes are open or closed or if there’s a blockage. That was probably the worst test I had to have done for me personally I had done some research on the actual test and so I had read that it hurts if you have a blockage. And I felt the worst pain I have ever felt the only way I could describe it would be you’re period cramps on steroids. So since I had felt pain and I’m not even talking about just emotionally how embarrassing it is because you are sitting there with your legs and air like you’re giving birth, however you don’t get the baby at the end, and do they are injecting a contrast dye into your uterus so they can take an x-ray of what it looks like.
Fortunately for me my tubes were perfectly fine which I was actually quite relieved to hear considering the pain I was in. After that test it was a Doctor visit to explore our options. So firstly we went with the Chlomid and that is medicine to make you ovulate so we did two rounds of that where I had really good results. However we did not get pregnant or this might be an entirely different post. So then my doctor wanted my husband to have a semen analysis done. Just to make sure everything is okay with him. We got that done recently and now we’re just waiting on the results.
So I think that’s all for now I will be sure to update on this entire process and to just be completely open. I think this’ll probably be one of my most personal topics that we talk about. Because I want that other people out there to know that they aren’t alone I am 22 and I am going through this. And I want them to know we will all make it through this and we’ll all get what we desire most one way or another. Whether it be infertility treatments such as IUI and/or IVF, or whether it’s surrogacy, or even adoption. If you or anyone you know is going through this please leave me a comment fine what works for you or anything.
-Signing off for now Simply Life by Symone